My Turn Book: What It Covers, Part by Part

My Turn is the Human Cheat Codes book for the woman everyone leans on: fifty short chapters and ninety-four scripts — the exact words to say to the people who take too much, without losing the relationship or yourself. Here is what is inside, and how it is meant to be used.

Who it is for

The first chapter opens with a sound most readers recognise before they have finished the paragraph: not the ringtone, "the other one. The small breath you take before you answer it." You are the one who remembers the birthdays, books the restaurant, and gets the text at eleven at night. The book's first claim is simple: you are not tired, you are carrying people.

My Turn is written warm and plain, for women who give too much and get taken for granted — by parents, partners, grown children, siblings and friends. It is not a book about cutting anyone off. It is a book about changing the terms.

How the scripts work

Most chapters build to a script, and most scripts come in three strengths, so you can choose the one that fits the person and the day. From chapter two, for the moment someone says after everything I've done for you:

As the book puts it: two facts, side by side, with no bridge between them. "You will want to soften it. The softener is where you lose it." Around the scripts, chapters give a before-and-after, the reason the move works, and five questions to answer for yourself — "one of them will land badly, and that's the one."

What is inside, part by part

Part One · The Things They Say

Why the people who love you can make you do things you don't want to do. Chapters include After Everything I've Done For You, "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" Is Not An Apology, Never Decide At The Kitchen Table, The Favour From 1997, When They Go Quiet, They're Sending You A Bill and Guilt Is An Old Alarm, Not A Fire.

Part Two · The Job You Never Applied For

How you became the family's default — The Job You Were Given At Nine, "Mature For Your Age", You're Not Busy. You're Load-Bearing., Helping Is What They Can't Do. Rescuing Is What They Won't., Stop Volunteering and The Month You Do Nothing.

Part Three · Say Less

The mechanics of a no that holds: Why You Explain, Every Reason Is A Handle, Whoever Speaks First Loses, Repeat Their Last Three Words, Don't Argue The Facts. Name The Feeling., Never Answer Why With Because and Tell Them What Ends The Conversation.

Part Four · The One Who Makes You Feel Crazy

For the relationship where the remarks are small, the evenings are long and nothing can be proved: You Can't Prove It. That's The Design., Sweet To You Alone, Sharp In Company, Stop Handing Over Your Good News, She Is Not Going To Change and Seeing Her Without Losing The Day.

Part Five · My Turn

What happens after you change: They're Going To Say You've Changed, "Change Back And We'll Love You Again", Whose Job Is This?, Let Them. Then Let Me., One In Ten Will Never Like You, The Night After You Finally Said It — and the last chapter, My Turn.

The whole book on one page

The book ends with a page you are told to photograph: twelve lines and four rules. A few of the lines:

• Every reason you give is a handle they can grab. "I can't this week." Then stop talking.
• Never decide at the kitchen table. "I'll get back to you."
• Say it once. Then say it again the same way. A new reason is how you lose.
• Guilt is an old alarm, not a fire.
• Let them. Then let me.

Formats

• Ebook — $29.99. The online reader plus the PDF to keep.
• Audiobook — $35. About eight and a quarter hours, all fifty chapters.
• Ebook + Audiobook — $49.99. Both.

If you want to practise it rather than just read it, members of The Inner Circle get a thirty-day practice built around the book — one page and one exercise a day.

Read chapter one free

My Turn — the exact words for the people who take too much. Chapter One, You Are Not Tired. You Are Carrying People., is free and complete.

Read chapter one free →

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